How can you be halfway to 3?

My dear boy,

How is it that you are 2.5 years old?  My boy, you are such a little man and so sweet in so many ways.  

You still love to eat many of the same things, its a wonder we can get you to eat any fruit or veggies.  That is very hit and miss as is your diet in general.  We just chug along.

You moved into your big boy bunk bed and you love it.  So far no major incidents and the transition was so easy, your maman thanks you.

You love your Pierre the penguin and Monica your baby.  Monica sleeps in the drawer of the tv stand and Pierre is with you every night.  You also love Figaro our kitty and you are very kind to animals.

You play with puzzles, blocks, coloring books and trucks.  You also still bang away at your keyboard, dancing and clapping and now singing.

Your language is flourishing and its really cool to see how you switch between French and English. 

Little man, not all is positive.  You are in a pushing phase at daycare but we're thinking it will pass soon.  Also you tend to think cookies should follow dinner whether you eat your dinner or not.  Also we've had to leave swimming lessons a few time because you dont like to listen and have a mind of your own.  A mind of your own is a wonderful thing my son, but structure is important too.  You're 2...you get a minor pass for now as much of this is quite normal. :)

You are an endless ball of energy and you are so so sweet.  We love you sweet boy, we love you, we love you :)

Swimming Suits and Motherhood

So every woman's favorite shopping excursion MUST be for new pants or a swimming suit....amiright?!?!  I think those two items alone must bond us women together in frustration that is illuminated by flourescent bulbs in the cramped quarters of a department store dressing room.

In fact I hate buying pants so much that Im cramming myself into pants I have NOW instead of going and buying a new pair because goddamnit, these 10 lbs NEED to come off NOW or I'm going to throw a hissy fit because I am NOT spending another $75 on a pair of pants that I cant even get in Canada.  Oh and the pair of pants that does fit but are not particularly flattering are now so thin (read, not very thick to start with) that you can see my underwear through them.  Coooool. 

Anyway this post isnt about pants.  But about swimming suits. 

Here's the thing.  I havent worn a bikini since I was 11 but I think it was probably my favorite swimming suit because I can remember it clearly and none of the other swimming suits that I've worn in my childhood have any place in my memory.  Bright blue with hot pink polka dots and a cute little ruffle around the waist.  Perfectly cute for a 11 year old. 

Then I hit puberty at 11.  Even cooler.

And "oh your belly is sticking out like Grandma's" said my uncle.  Even better.

So since then, swimming suits have been something I avoid buying entirely (which I did mostly through high school and college, save for trips to Florida or Hawaii).  As an adult in the last 5 years I have purchased five suits.  This time though while the task is still painful, I just do it.

Why?

Because we go to my in-laws cottage a lot and its a necessity.

We go to the YMCA once a week to take my son for swimming lessons and DH and I take turns with him in the pool.

When we started going to the Y, I swore to myself that I would NOT let my body image issues get in the way of having fun with my children.  I would NOT put up excuses not get in the pool or worry about what others thought of me.  On bad days, I swore I would "fake it til I made it."  I would NOT shy away from photos of myself in a swimming suit anymore if I'm creating memories with my children. 

So far I've managed to stay true to my unspoken promise.  Motherhood hasnt altered my body physically that much but mentally its been a different game, one that I think I like better.

This weekend we introduced my son to the childhood staple of the fun of running through the sprinkler on a hot day.  Joy was had by all three of us.  I posted the pictures on Facebook.  The top of this suit is not one I wear in public very often.  The one with me and my son has several "likes" by my friends and family.  I could point out all the things I dislike about the photo which would be the things I dislike about myself.

Or I could just let it speak for itself...whatever that means.

Trying Again

I know...terrible blogger.  Two months and nary an update. 

I'm not even going to really apologize for that...I'm busy.  I work with people that have high needs and therefore my days are high stress.  I have a 2 year old.  Nuff said. ;)

That said, the summer is flying by and I cant believe its the middle of JULY...hello.  Lots of weekends at the cottage, swimming and soaking up the sun.  The weekends have been good to me.  I sleep better at the cottage, I get my fill of vitamin D and I feel a lot of energy until about Wednesday whereby my tank empties out and I'm counting the hours until the next weekend.

I am back on the fitness train and getting frustrated.  I recently had a whackadoo of bloodwork which confirmed that I'm not fat because of a bad thyroid, diabetes or other some such nonsense.  Nope...just fat because I dont exercise.  Cooool.

With that comes the struggle to not engage in negative self-talk...trying the crazy notion I try to get my clients to do.  If negative self-talk hasn't worked, why not try positive self-praise?

So with that, I am trying hard to shed this obsession with the bigger picture of losing 75 lbs and just try for today to do better.  The difficulty with this is the obsession may end with me but doesnt end with the gaggle of women I work with where weight is an almost daily topic at lunch. 

Also, we are trying for #2.  Much to my dismay, we did not get lucky the first cycle again like we did with our first born.  I say lucky because thats what it was...sheer luck.  Thats ok, just more fun ahead to try.  I also dont get super crazy about TTCing (other than peeing on cheap sticks..who knew that could be so fun!?) and just go with the flow. 

Trying for number 2 has been much as the same as trying for baby number 1.  The similar anxieties and excitement.  I'm craving a baby belly with all the wonderful kicks and squirms like mad.  I had a great pregnancy with Maxim so I'm hoping for much of the same this go around.  We already have carpet purchased for the remodel we will have to do to our 3rd bedroom in preparation for the newest addition.  I have an idea of how I want to decorate.  And seriously dreaming of a little sister for my boy. 

Other than that, I'm trying to find new ways to de-stress.  Including more exercise, meditation and reading time.  I'm hoping that these things start to pay off in dividends for myself, my energy and for my family too. 

On Turning 2

My sweet boy is 2.  His birthday is today.  I can't believe we have a 2 year old.  He's so grown up and changing every day.

Dear Sweet Boy,

Today you are 2.  Oh the things you can do!  You are running, yelling, squealing, dancing, yakking boy who has more energy than I can ever imagine.  You are the light of our lives and so much fun.

You're not eating much.  Eggos, bananas, yogurt, cheese, milk, peanut butter english muffins.  We know for sure you'll eat these things.  Everything else...well its more or less when you feel like it.  Typical toddler.  You also LOVE chocolate, especially M and M's.  You don't get much for sweets, but man, you love them.

You got a new keyboard for your birthday.  You play it every day and just love to jam out.  You took your first wagon ride a few weeks ago, when spring was starting to show up.  You also love to play with balls, trucks, your kitchen, your doll, your mower and your penguins.  You also got a new art table for your birthday so you can color, play with your Playdoh and other fun artsy activities. 

You are saying more words, and you mimic everything.  The other day, your Papa was flirting with your Maman by putting his hands in Maman's pockets.  We were laughing and you were watching and after he was done, you came up and patted Maman's behind trying to get into my pockets. 

You love Figaro the kitty and you are so good to him.  You are our little thinker.  Every new environment, you take a few moments to scan it and check it out.  You are not shy or clingy, just checking everything out  Once you're comfortable, you're all in and very social. 

You are very well behaved at restaurants and other public places.  In fact, your Maman and Papa and you got a compliment from a complete stranger about how well behaved you were at the restaurant.  You also have your days, like last week when you did the body throw in the middle of the pharmacy.  Your Maman thanks you for both...the beautiful days when you are so sweet and the lessons I learn in patience when you are acting your age and I am reminded of it.   

You love to watch Elmo's World, Bubble Guppies, Bugs Bunny and Chuck and Friends.  Thankfully TV only catches your attention for moments at a time, but you certainly have a few favorites. 

You love playing outside, and you love books.  Your favorite books are Dr. Seuss's ABC, Un million c'est grand comment?, Harold and the Purple Crayon, Watch Me Hop, and Green Eggs and Ham.  Maman has been practicing her French with you and can now read Un million, c'est grande comment? and know the plot and how to say the words properly.  She's very happy about that and so are you since it's one of your favorites. 

Sweet bubs, you are the best son a maman and papa could ask for.  We are so excited to be your parents and love every day we get to share with you.  We are so proud of you.

Je t'aimerais toujours,

Maman

1 week

1 year

 2 years

On Turning 30

I turned 30 yesterday.

I had my meltdown about it a week before.  It appears my sentimental side reared its ugly head.  Because I'm not really sad about turning 30, more of a nostalgic meltdown.

So today is a new day and I don't feel any different.  Just another day.

I must say I loved my 20's, especially my university years.  I also know I didnt appreciate them hardly enough while living those years. 

So I vow to make my 30's different in that way.  To make each day count and appreciate it all now, rather than look at my last day of my 30's in 10 years and get all regretful or something.

I have a feeling my 30's will be good to me.  I already feel the self-confidence thing that is supposed to come with your 30's creeping on me.  Thats a very good thing. 

I am happy that my career is well-established now and happy that it happened before I turned 30.  I will be married 5 years this year in October and my son is turning 2 very soon.  I have healthy parents, good relationships with my family and so many wonderful friends. 

Goals for my 30s....more babies, traveling, good health, keeping my marriage as loving as it is now, strengthening friendships, learning new recipes, reading new books and re-reading some oldies.  I will finish Anna Karenina, The Bible, and The Divine Comedy this decade too.  Dye my hair a funky shade of something purple.  Get out of a style rut.  Buy more shoes.  Have more fun, dance more, love more, laugh more. Who knows what it will all bring, but this I know for sure....

24 hours in my 30's...looking good so far :)

More Answers...

26. )How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

Some days I feel much older than 29, other days I feel my age. I think this goes with the status of my health and how I'm feeling mentally as well. Yet another reason why I am taking a stand to change my health.

27.) Would you break the law to save a loved one? I saw a story recently of a mother who beat up her son's drug dealer and has been charged with a assault. I have to say that for me it would depend on the circumstances. There is a difference between helping and enabling as far as the consequences of either helping or enabling but at times its difficult to figure out what you're really doing for somebody . For the mother that I cited above...assaulting a drug dealer doesnt change the nature of her son's addiction. He'll find another dealer. Its so sad and I feel for her..but if I were in her shoes, I would not have broke the law to 'save' my loved one.

28.) What makes you smile? My son. My husband. Warm days. Sunsets. Beautiful lyrics, beautiful melodies. Success. Red shoes. Jewelry. Friends. Wine. Wine with Friends. Fancy coffee. Cookies and milk. Christmas. Babies. Love.

29.) When its all said and done, will have you have said more than you've done? I really sincerely hope not. I hope every day or at least most days I am leading by example. Simply doing. Acting. Responding. Moving mountains.

30.) If you have the opportunity to get a message across to a large group of people, what would your message be? Its cliche but its true: I'm not telling you its going to be easy. I'm telling you its going to be worth it. Also to take care of your mental health. Its just as important as physical health but the body gets much more attention than the mind.

Day 1

Is the hardest day.

Here it is folks...

Chest 45"
R Arm 14"
L Arm 14"
Waist 42" (eek)
Hips 50.5" (double eek)
R Thigh 29"
L Thig 29"
Weight 228

Why write this?

To get honest with myself.

And for help.

To remember.

And eventually forget.

Here is to Day 1. Learn and Burn Tur.bo J.am down.