I love breast.feeding. It is a joy to spend this time with my son, nourishing and nurturing him. It is NOT easy at first but it has been worth it 1000 times over since I've stuck with it. More on nursing in later posts.
I am not cut out to be a stay at home mother. I reserve the right to change my thoughts on this after he turns 3 months and things supposedly get easier. Dont get me wrong...my baby is easy to please most of the time and he is a great baby. But I need a schedule, adult interaction, and to get out of the house daily. Newborns are wonderful squishy little creatures but they sure are demanding, more demanding than I expected.
I miss being pregnant sometimes. Other days I do not. I cannot wait to be pregnant again. We wont try for at least 2-3 years though.
The cat is a shithead. He's good with the baby, a very good cat, but a shithead. I think he's still adjusting to the baby but he is doing his darndest to be annoying in the meantime.
I do not do well with his evening fussy period. Crying after I've done everything I can think of (nurse, change, rock, play, rinse and repeat) drives me up the wall. My husband is much more patient than me. I think its because I have him all day long. I also think my husband is a super soother compared to me and my son prefers his dad in the evenings because he's been with me all day. Thank god I dont have a colicky baby...I dont know how those mothers do it.
I think my belief in a higher power has increased since my son's birth. How does one explain this miracle we have in our lives, this miracle we conceived and my body nurtured, this miracle that has two non-perfect halves into a perfect, whole little being...without a higher power?
My husband is fabulous. I knew I was a lucky gal before, but my god...he's blown me away. My son is the luckiest little boy. Every week at least, my husband gazes at our son and asks me "we actually made THIS?" Yes dear, we did and isnt it amazing? I love him more than ever, more than I could ever say or express to him.
I miss work. A lot. More than I expected. I think I miss my friends at work more than working but I definitely miss the steady routine, the challenges with clients, the professional chats, the lunch dates with friends, the laughter, and the people.
CSI re-runs on Spike are a blessing. Keeps me occupied when nursing and playing with the baby. Daytime television otherwise sucks.
Motherhood is wonderful but not easy. In fact, sometimes it sucks. There I said it. Motherhood is not blissful all the time, it is not rainbows and puppy dogs shooting out my ass all the time. My one friend who has a 3 month old would like to make me believe it every time I see her....but I dont believe her or anybody else that raves about how wonderful it is all the time. Because it isnt wonderful all the time. 95% of the time I love being a mother. The other 5% of the time I wish for my old carefree life back and wonder when I'll feel sexy again without smelling like spoiled milk and baby poo. This new normal is taking awhile to adjust but it is worth it when I look into my baby's eyes.
Speaking of sexy, I wonder if my DH still finds me sexy despite smelling like spoiled milk and baby poo.
We havent done the deed since before the baby was born...never got the chance to try those natural induction strategies. And I'm still spotting which is why we havent done the deed....but I desperately miss sex and that connection with my husband. Very soon I hope...like in July would be good...please body cooperate already.
Diapers sure are confusing. More specifically, the sizing.
I found this beautiful book, "On the Night You Were Born" before Maxim was born and I fell in love with the opening words.
~~On the night you were born, the moon smiled with such wonder that the stars peeked in to see you and the night wind whispered, "Life will never be the same."~~
It is true sweet Maxim, life has not been the same since you rocked our world one month ago.
Some notes about your first month:
You made breast feeding very hard on Mommy for the first two weeks but you eat wonderfully now. It really wasnt you, but bad advice. Maman stopped listening to the nonsense and listened to herself...things got much better. You eat like your pa-pere....verrrry slowly. Because of this, sometimes we call you Gerry because it makes us laugh. Thankfully you eat quickly at night...you love your sleep like maman and papa.
Speaking of sleep, you are sleeping in 4-5 hour stretches now. Sometimes, maman sleeps in the chair with you on my chest because you wont settle back down for a bit. It is not hard to wake up to feed you either. Your little peepers looking up at me from your crib and your instant calm when I tend to your needs makes maman feel good.
Everybody and I do mean everybody comments on how tiny you are. Also they comment on how long your fingers, feet and legs are. It looks like you are built like your papa and you are still quite lean and thin. You're pretty much the sweetest baby ever.
Your first outing was to Ma Mi's cottage. You also have gone to a few of papa's frisbee practices and games. You sleep most of the time.
You can lift your head and you recognize maman and papa now. You havent smiled for us yet, other than those beautiful milk drunk smiles after eating. Its only a matter of time.
Your papa is hopelessly, desperately in love with you. You are the luckiest little boy ever and your maman is equally lucky to have him as a partner. He misses you when he goes to work and he picks you up as soon as he gets home at night. He is a diaper changing champion and the best soother for those rare fussy hours. He loves talking to you and he sings to you when you're fussy. One night, he was singing Our Lady Peace to you and maman's heart melted. You also like listening to him sing random made up songs in French too. Little boy, your papa is so so proud of you.
Maman is also hopelessly in love with you too. Everyday gets better and better, wee one. Our days are spent inside most of the time but we will start some outings soon. You enjoy your stroller and have gone on a few walks. Maman loves to read to you too. So far Harold and the Purple Crayon and Where the Wild Things Are have been our go-to stories. Maman also plays music for you, especially Dave Matthews Band. You seem to recognize a few of the songs and they soothe you. Maman loves cuddling you and holding you close. Sometimes I wish you would stay this small forever.
Monsieur Maxim, on the night you were born....your papa and I became parents to the most beautiful little boy...and we have not been the same.
I like...quoting lyrics, the number 5, getting lost in a book, watching people interact, jewelry and other shiny objects, red wine, newborn babies, dancing, anything red, true talent, the rain, the change of the seasons, frost on the trees, watching my husband sleep, and words.
I'm a lot of things...woman, wife, daughter, American, counselor, teacher, friend, musician, human.