A post of random thoughts
I love breast.feeding. It is a joy to spend this time with my son, nourishing and nurturing him. It is NOT easy at first but it has been worth it 1000 times over since I've stuck with it. More on nursing in later posts.
I am not cut out to be a stay at home mother. I reserve the right to change my thoughts on this after he turns 3 months and things supposedly get easier. Dont get me wrong...my baby is easy to please most of the time and he is a great baby. But I need a schedule, adult interaction, and to get out of the house daily. Newborns are wonderful squishy little creatures but they sure are demanding, more demanding than I expected.
I miss being pregnant sometimes. Other days I do not. I cannot wait to be pregnant again. We wont try for at least 2-3 years though.
The cat is a shithead. He's good with the baby, a very good cat, but a shithead. I think he's still adjusting to the baby but he is doing his darndest to be annoying in the meantime.
I do not do well with his evening fussy period. Crying after I've done everything I can think of (nurse, change, rock, play, rinse and repeat) drives me up the wall. My husband is much more patient than me. I think its because I have him all day long. I also think my husband is a super soother compared to me and my son prefers his dad in the evenings because he's been with me all day. Thank god I dont have a colicky baby...I dont know how those mothers do it.
I think my belief in a higher power has increased since my son's birth. How does one explain this miracle we have in our lives, this miracle we conceived and my body nurtured, this miracle that has two non-perfect halves into a perfect, whole little being...without a higher power?
My husband is fabulous. I knew I was a lucky gal before, but my god...he's blown me away. My son is the luckiest little boy. Every week at least, my husband gazes at our son and asks me "we actually made THIS?" Yes dear, we did and isnt it amazing? I love him more than ever, more than I could ever say or express to him.
I miss work. A lot. More than I expected. I think I miss my friends at work more than working but I definitely miss the steady routine, the challenges with clients, the professional chats, the lunch dates with friends, the laughter, and the people.
CSI re-runs on Spike are a blessing. Keeps me occupied when nursing and playing with the baby. Daytime television otherwise sucks.
Motherhood is wonderful but not easy. In fact, sometimes it sucks. There I said it. Motherhood is not blissful all the time, it is not rainbows and puppy dogs shooting out my ass all the time. My one friend who has a 3 month old would like to make me believe it every time I see her....but I dont believe her or anybody else that raves about how wonderful it is all the time. Because it isnt wonderful all the time. 95% of the time I love being a mother. The other 5% of the time I wish for my old carefree life back and wonder when I'll feel sexy again without smelling like spoiled milk and baby poo. This new normal is taking awhile to adjust but it is worth it when I look into my baby's eyes.
Speaking of sexy, I wonder if my DH still finds me sexy despite smelling like spoiled milk and baby poo.
We havent done the deed since before the baby was born...never got the chance to try those natural induction strategies. And I'm still spotting which is why we havent done the deed....but I desperately miss sex and that connection with my husband. Very soon I hope...like in July would be good...please body cooperate already.
Diapers sure are confusing. More specifically, the sizing.
I miss my parents. A lot. More on that later.
My son is beautiful. Perfect.
Fantastic post - thank you for being real! Do you think you'll go back to work earlier than you thought?
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely update:) Going out a lot with the baby is one of the things which really helps me, especially on the days where he seems to be crying off and on the whole time. So you might want to look into a class, mommy and me, etc before you go back to work so you don't go stir crazy.
ReplyDeleteI love the pic, and hope you get some good alone time with your hubby soon:)
Alyssa,
ReplyDeleteThanks! I've always been blunt and to the point, haha! I try to be as real as possible, too many women, in my experience, arent real enough and feel they have to put up a front to be a "good mother" and it does them and their children a disservice. I'm taking 6 months without thinking about work. After that I'll start looking for permanent positions...and as it gets closer to May if I dont have anything, then I'll take whatever I can find. I'm still teaching part-time at the college and the course is in October so I have that to keep me occupied now.
Ash,
Getting out is a challenge because we only have one car and live in a neighborhood where it is quite the walk to get to anything like shopping...we really have to plan my outings having only one vehicle...its definitely the hardest part. We try to take stroller walks in our neighborhood every other day. I do plan to take swimming with Maxim at the YMCA when he is 6 months old...they will only charge us $20 a month for him and both DH and I can use his account to take him swimming. I'm really looking forward to that :)