The Good Baby

"Is he a good baby?"

Ummm...

What is said out loud...

Yes?!

What is running through my head...

I suppose....am I supposed to be honest here or...no wait, I must say yes, lest I be judged for being a shitty mother who hates her kid.

This question bugs me almost as much as the nursing/sleeping/pablum questions. How does a parent even answer this question other than "OF COURSE!!!! He's a GREAT baby ALL the time....dont you see the rainbows, unicorns and fluffy puppies shooting out his ass?!?! Dont you see the choir of angels singing boisterously behind me as I describe my perfect baby??" Haha!

What bugs me even more is that babies and kids are measured "good" by stupid things that are completely developmentally normal. Babies can only communicate by crying, non-verbal body language, or random cooing...they dont have words or language to articulate their needs and desires. So when a baby cries they are attempting to communicate their needs and desires.

Crying gets on my damn nerves. Especially when I've done everything I can possibly think of to soothe him and it doesnt work. I think any parent if they were honest would say that unending crying drives them nuts after awhile. Sometimes, I have to consciously remind myself that he is communicating, not getting on my nerves purposely.

My baby is a good baby because he is a good person. Not because he is a perfect angel 24 hours a day, never cries, sleeps on "schedule," "eats good" and all the other things that are supposed to be "good" about a kid. He's a normal human...he has good days and bad days. He has his preferences and mannerisms just like anybody else.

I wish we wouldn't measure good and bad this way. I read a blog post recently and be damned if I can remember what the blog was called but it talked about this very thing that made so much sense, it reminded me and my DH not to judge him as good or bad but normal.

So I hate it when people ask if he's a good baby...because they are expecting the answer yes and dont really give a shit about all the daily hassles and troubles that come with raising a normal baby. If I respond with anything other than yes, then I'm complaining, condescended to or dismissed. I'll gladly take a question about nursing anytime over the good baby question.

It seems that mothers can never be honest about raising their kids because there is all sorts of judgment and less than helpful comments that come with it. I think this is detrimental because new mothers don't get the right information about what it can be really like to raise a child. Its also detrimental to the mother that doesn't have an outlet. We seek support for "safe" topics with other people, we don't seek an ear to listen to our difficulties or the emotional toll that this can bring.

Most days are a joy, most moments are unforgettable, my heart bursts with happiness. Other days are so damn hard, so damn exhausting, so damn hair-graying, I briefly consider drinking and recreational pot use.

And I am so damn lucky. So so lucky and so so blessed.

Even though he's been driving me right up the nut house since Monday, he is a fabulous little human being and you're damn right...he is "good."