In the Game....

She arrived...late for the party but finally here. I'm not upset because it was totally expected but very relieved even though she got a tongue lashing for not getting here earlier!!

We're officially in the game now!!

I'm slightly weirded out and scared and excited and happy and wowza....a million things all at once.

DH is excited too...or just really happy he's going to get laid a lot now..haha

Anyway, today is much better and brighter than recent memory.

Here we go...

Mess....

I feel like a mess.

AF has not shown. And I've tested 5 times..BFN's.

I'm pissed off, irritated and upset. I have NEVER had a wonky cycle in 17 years and the month I want to start TTC, my body decides to screw with my mind.

Thank you uterus, you hateful, hateful organ.

I feel like I'm losing my mind.

Work is crappy right now and this move has me stressed out for reasons I don't understand. I should be happy and I am happy but I just want it to be over.

I'm crying over stupid shit. I feel like I'm losing control. I'm crying and I don't know why.

I really don't know why I feel this way but I feel like a mess.

I hope this passes soon because I hate feeling this way. If I at least understood why, it would make it better.

I'm so tired. I haven't slept in two weeks. That isn't helping I know because I'm a person that needs my sleep or I simply don't function.

I wish I could take a day off and take it for myself. Not think about anything or do anything or worry about anything. A true mental health day.

Either my hormones are way out of whack or the stress is breaking me down.

I just need to go to bed.

How Much Is That Doggy In the Window?

This house thing is an expensive little problem.

Not problem of course. Not really.

But expensive nonetheless.

Even bathroom towels and decor is expensive. Its just towels!!

And paint?? Geezus murphy....

At any rate, we close a week from tomorrow which is slightly insane to me since it feels like we JUST put the offer in yesterday.

But now with this house, our car has decided to turn on the "check engine" light. Oh holy hell...

Our car is a 1997. Everybody in his family, namely his grandma the previous owner of said car, always raves about what great shape it is in.

Yeah on the outside. It looks brand new (gag).

Inside though its a ticking time bomb. It rattles and bangs worse than a garbage truck. It squeals louder than a baby seal pup. We put about $1000 in it last winter and I really hope it doesn't decide to crap out on us now. It is in desperate need of an oil change so I hope thats all it needs.

Damn expenses.

Never ends. And I have to exercise control over shopping needlessly before we close so we dont run out of money for real necessities.

How much is that doggy in the window.......

In other news I'm up to four days a week now at the agency. So that helps just in case we find ourselves in need of a new car shortly. Politics at work are less than pleasant right now which makes it hard to go to work. Especially after yesterday's meeting from hell...

And finally AF is a no-show. She's late for the party. She's nowhere to be found.

MIA

AWOL

She's a tricky bitch I think. Playing tricks on me, getting my hopes up because I'm so certain that the condoms did not fail last cycle. I don't feel pregnant at all, no significant symptoms.

I'm going to track her down by Saturday.

Or maybe she'll be AWOL for awhile.

Which I'll probably faint from utter surprise.

Go for Launch...

Robert and I have decided that we will definitely be starting for a baby in August. I'm due for AF this weekend and we will officially be in the game thereafter.

I'm so excited!! We've been set on August and then as it got closer, we started to wonder if maybe September-October would be better. But honestly, it doesn't make THAT much of a difference and I really can't wait any longer.

It'll be a little nutso since we are closing on our house right around the time I expect to ovulate but we're going to make the best of it and hope it works out.

I can barely stand the wait for AF now. I hope its my last visit from her for a long time!!