Weaning

Weaning....we are in it at full speed right now.

Since Sweet Boy's weight stalled right around 9 months, after wrangling with the doc who knows nothing about BFing, we decided to introduce cows milk around 10.5 months. There is tons of advice out there about solids and BFing. It seems ambiguous and cookie-cutter and I finally just stopped reading and started looking at him. He didnt take to solids at the 6 month mark, it was more like 8 months. He didnt want to do BLW like I planned so we did a mix of purees and table foods and he went to full on table food by 11 months. He seems like a bottomless pit some days when it comes to eating. It stopped making sense to keep boosting my milk supply when it was clearly dropping off naturally due to him wanting to nurse less and eat more. I get that 90% of his nutrition for the first year should come from breast milk and I did everything right about offering the breast first before food, etc etc. It just was much harder after 10 months to keep going against what he wanted and what was frustrating to me. He took to the cows milk really well and at first, I replaced one nursing session with cows milk. Its progressed now to where he is nursing at wake up and at bed time. He night weaned himself about 3 weeks ago which Im relieved because I didnt really want to fight that battle. I wasnt really going to push night weaning until after his birthday but I'm glad he did it on his own. As a result of cows milk and a hearty appetite for food, he's gained 2 lbs. He's still hanging around 17 lbs which is a bit small for his age but I'm not concerned at this point. The boy loves to eat and he eats everything we put in front of him. I will never blame BFing for his weight stall though, I think he's totally normal, he was just really ready for more.

Weaning has its mix of emotions of course. I realize the importance and benefits of extended breast feeding into the toddler years. I give mad props to those moms who continue to nurse toddlers. As my baby approaches toddler status though, I find myself getting impatient with nursing. He has bitten me a few times which I've been able to tolerate well despite the intense pain. However now he's just leaving deep teeth marks when nursing, not intentionally biting, and nursing has become uncomfortable as a result. He isnt much of a comfort nursling either. I'm ready to have my body to myself again before I get pregnant and start the cycle over. Hard core breast feeders dont believe that is a valid reason to wean but I think a mother's feelings matter just as much as the child's and if it clouds my nursing relationship, its time to move forward. I have finally been able to wear regular bras during the day again which makes me happy and confident in my appearance again. Nursing bras do absolutely nothing for a woman's figure and I'm glad to be throwing mine away soon. I have said recently that I will start at 12 months and hopefully by 18 months he'll have weaned on his own completely. I think it will be much faster than 18 months though considering we're already down to two nursing sessions right now.

And yet part of me knows I will miss it. I already miss it, each nursing session seems to be a small little goodbye to his baby years. Its a sign of the next step, the next period in his life. I'm not sure if I'm ready to have a toddler though I dont have a choice. I have cherished 99% of our nursing moments together and I'm proud of both of us for sticking it out. I know that when I'm older and grayer in 18-25 years and watching him graduate high school, go to university, get married...that I'll be thinking of these days. It already makes me sad to know that he wont fit in my lap forever and that he doesnt even want to sit with me for very long now. Staying at home has made me miserable many days, but it has also enabled me to reach my 1 year goal of breast feeding without the hassle that working moms have and for that I'm grateful.

So here is to the next step. Kicking and screaming into the toddler years. I dont feel guilty for this decision to parent-led wean, just nostalgic and weepy. I suppose this is just normal as my baby approaches his first birthday on the 11th. He'll be enrolling in college on the 12th.